Sunday, October 12, 2008


I was away to Chandigarh to celebrate the 60th wedding anniversary of my parents, which fell due on 10 Oct 2008. We kids never even knew the date of their wedding anniversary, as it was not the fashionable thing to celebrate one's wedding anniversary during the time when my parents got married, and also the weddings were done according to a different calender which has a different relationship to the calender that we use. My father was motivated to celebrate it this time, when he was invited to attend my brother's 25th wedding anniversary. To cut a long story short, all five of us siblings, and some other members of our families, got together in Chandigarh for the occasion. I have since returned to Chennai, and my blog. The event left me thinking......

My parents married 60 years ago, had five children, who are alive - four sons and one daughter. All of us married and had two children each, in due course. This whole big family last got together about a decade, or more, ago, I think. My daughter is now married, and has had a baby girl, 'Meher' on 29 Sep 08. This time, we were many members short of this huge big family. My parents missed the ones that were not present, but had a good time, and basked in the attention that was showered on them. My mother could not hold her emotions...she did not say anything but we could sense her loneliness in her old age.

Imagine, having been directly or indirectly responsible for bringing so many of us into this world, they live by themselves. Three of my siblings live independently in the same city along with their families, and two of us live in Chennai and New Jersey respectively. My kids live in Toronto. My mother still manages her own house, and kitchen, as best as she can. It's not too difficult for us to fast forward 20 years.

We are all parents and would have to go through the same fate, when we grow old - the fate of having to be content with just memories of happier and fulfilling days, or of days spent in waiting for the off springs to drop by whenever they have the time and the inclination, or for an occasion, or for some bad news. Everyone has to go through this cycle of childhood, parenthood and then waiting........watching your off springs following some 25 years behind. The Kaal Chakra never stops!!!!!


state of mind? said...

dats quite true.....i wonder abt dis cycle of life too....but den dnt u think dat we do realize d loneliness of our elders but do nthn abt it....what makes us so busy in our lives to leave them alone at this age???

J P Joshi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J P Joshi said...

I had no answer to the question 'what makes this age???'. I received an email today that sort of gives a hint about what makes us so busy. It is a little long and so I am going to put it up on my blog rather than as a comment. You may like to read the same. Thanks.

Reflections said...

60yrs of marriage....seems like a lifetime. I dont know why but this post sort of soothed me:-).

J P Joshi said...

Reflections: Yeah, I agree...60 years is a lifetime. Thank you for your comment. I am happy that you could reflect on this post.

Usha Pisharody said...

Mr. Joshi [I wish I knew your rank, so I could address you appropriately!],
I warm to the thoughts expressed here, especially, being a parent, whose children are on the verge of leaving the nest.
But what is more heartwarming is that most of you could be with them, and also that they have been together these years, sixty of them; and raised not just children, but families!
May they be in the best of health to enjoy more of those together.

Also, Sir, thank you for the visit to my space, and the insightful and discerning note left there. You have given me much to think of and add to what I share in my classes. Thank you for that.

Glad to know you are ex NDA too; I have two brothers who are, and a son who also is. :)

J P Joshi said...

We left our kids behind in Canada and came back to India some two years ago. The home will never be the same without them BUT we have decided to be on a second honeymoon. This one is more endurable because we have seen a lot of life together and understand life and its nuances a little better now. The empty nest feels good, at times, can be sure about that.

I rate NDA as one of the finest institutions to shape young boys into able men. It imparts the right values. I am sure you know all about that.

Thank you for your comment and your good wishes.